the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Houston, we have a blender
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize