You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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