When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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