what day is it and did you see me today?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
