I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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