Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
