i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
