He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
