I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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