i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
