i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
