I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize