we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
