Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
