did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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