Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
