you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
