Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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