yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
