Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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