just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I want a musical about memes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
