yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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