After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
