just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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