Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
