marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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