Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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