I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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