If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
