reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
