he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize