This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
