you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
