Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hate all girls vehemently.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
