people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
