Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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