My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
