There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
