YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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