Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
