reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
