I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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