HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
