the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize