I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
