Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
