my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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