The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
