I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
