Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
