Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
