If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
