Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize