Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
