My first STD was from a foam party
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize