my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
God, I missed his penis.
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