on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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