in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
