I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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