oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
