When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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