I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize