nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize