Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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