its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
