I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
