I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
