she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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