They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
