Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
